The 'Why can't you take a joke?' phenomenon

An article on the bigoted, racist, annoying things people say when they're trying to pretend they're not bigoted, racist or annoying.





The 'Why can't you take a joke?' phenomenon

As a society, we're not really racist anymore. When someone says some truly stupid and evil white-pointy-hood thing we deride that idiot for their idiotic idiocy with passion and gusto. So we should. Same with sexism. Same with homophobia.

We are making serious strides towards a more egalitarian culture. We're better than we were 10 years ago, better than we were 20 years ago.

Still, some regressives probably fear that future of equality. You'll know who they are once you recognise the signs - 'Everything's so PC these days', 'I'm not racist, but...', 'Why are you so thin-skinned?' and my favourite - 'Can't you take a joke?'

Ask any of these people if they're sexist, or racist or homophobic, and they'll probably say no. After all, sexists are those lumpy men who hit a woman if dinner's not on the table when they get home. Racists are Klansmen or Nazis. Homophobes are those militant Christian posses that roam the streets with baseball bats. They're not like that - they're just 'discussing an issue' or 'having a joke'.

Okay, so this is why that's all complete bullshit.

Everything is so politically correct these days

For those who didn't grow up through the formation of the PC phenomena, you can't truly appreciate both how good it is, and how much certain people absolutely hated it. If you grew up in the 70's or earlier, you'll know that no-one used to think twice of calling a gay man a 'f@g', even calling a black guy a 'n!**er' wasn't unheard of.

You know what happened then? People said 'you know what? I don't like that name so much. Can you stop calling me that?' That's pretty much all the many protests and decades of social change amounted to - a demand to be treated like a person deserving of respect rather than an object of ridicule.

Yet, some people find this a pretty hard ask. Next time, someone says that everything is too PC, ask them what they mean. Would they like a return to the 'good old days'? Their answer may surprise - and disgust - you.

We live in a world now where calling someone a pejorative based on their ethnic or sexual characteristics is not cool. We're interested in people these days, not what they are or what they do. People who bemoan PC tend to be white and male, you ever notice that?

I'm not racist, but...

Hands up who knows what the word 'but' means? That's right kids, it's a word that at least partially negates the statement before. It often does not fully negate the statement before but does negate part of it. So you could say 'I like ice cream, but I don't like strawberry flavoured ice cream'.

'I'm not racist, but...' But what? But why don't they speak our language? But why don't they cook (insert your nationality here) food, instead of that funny-smelling crap? And you can go on, they always come out with some idiot generalist nonsense, that categorises an entire group of people as the same. This argument always makes me roll my eyes in despair.

Saying you're not racist and following it with a racist statement is really very stupid. No it is, it's a thing that dumb-asses do. I understand though, really I do. It's just not good to be racist anymore. You want to hang onto a few cherished, threadbare racist ideas, but you've at least superficially accepted being racist is bad. It creates an ethical dilemma, so you come up with a statement that lets you cling to the cool, modern belief, while at the same time harkening back to some good old-timey hatred.

And you know what? Swap out 'racist' for 'sexist' or 'homophobic' and you get the same argument. Let go of these old ideas that make you preface every statement with 'You know, I'm not (type of bigotry) but...' Just let them go. They are almost always either generalisations or very specific incidents that you want to generalise to everyone else. And it makes you sound like an idiot.

Why are you so thin-skinned?

I was on the receiving end of this myself recently, and am amazed at how frustrating it is, even given I understand why it is used, and the effect it is intended to have.

It's what we call onus-shifting. It's a way to frame an argument, and it can be incredibly successful, as it generally allows you to claim any impassioned response to your bigotry as a victory for your reasonableness.

a$$hole: "All lefties are just shrill, shrieking p00ftahs who should get a job."
target of jibe: "Don't categorise all progressives with that homophobic crap, you bigoted moron!"
a$$hole: "Why are you so thin-skinned? We're just having a debate."

See, it looks like you win. You've claimed reasonableness.

The problem with this, is that the world this person wants to live in, is one where you are free to say anything to anyone, at any time, and you either have to be the world's most patient person constantly, or be dismissed as a dour, humourless thing.

So, in this person's world, you should be free to slap your co-worker's ass and say 'nice cheeks honey' before going out for lunch to the 'chinky' shop for some 'flied lice', shouting out to some gay men that you're not going to 'drop the soap' before returning to work and spending all afternoon with your male co-workers telling them that 'all the ladies need is a good love tap to keep them in line'.

Anyone who takes umbrage is just being 'too sensitive'. No, you're not a bigoted jerk, you're normal, it's THEM, the ones who are too thin-skinned, too sensitive. After all if everyone was as robust as you, and loved a good rape joke, the world would be fine, right?

No, no, a billion times no.

People aren't thin-skinned, you just have a right to get through a day without some jerk insulting you, for no other reason than you are who you are. This leads into the big one, however. The one statement that makes me grind my teeth more than any other...

Why can't you take a joke?

This shits me off bigtime. You know what a joke is - a set-up with a funny pay-off. A joke has to be funny. If a person doesn't find it funny, well then to them at least, it's not a joke. You ever notice how people who say this a lot, also have a habit of telling you the precise kind of jokes you don't want to hear? Like, they'll tell you Irish jokes if you're Irish, or blonde jokes if you're blonde.

You tell them once, you tell them a hundred times 'That's not funny', and they just laugh and say it - 'Why can't you take a joke?'

They're not joking. There's no comedy or mirth in their intent. Maybe they think the joke is actually funny, maybe they don't. It's irrelevant. What they do think is funny is watching you squirm, watching you get angry. They're deriving a perverse pleasure knowing that they can whip you up into a froth of outrage, and then cut you short with one sentence - 'Why can't you take a joke?'

In other words, these people are complete shit-hats, whose only goal is to offend, insult and upset you, while completely dodging any rightful opprobium such behaviour should draw. They're cowards - they want the thrill of being a bigoted prick, without being caught out as the bad guy.

Let's break it down
warning: some triggering stuff below

People who use any of these tactics are arseholes. Maybe they won't be wearing swastika armbands any time soon, or burning a cross on your front lawn, but they have a problem. They think their opinions are normal, and they're not - they're uniformly cruel and bigoted. They know they sit on the losing side of history, they know their opinions are outdated or bigoted, but they try to have one last-ditch attempt at normalising their bigotry.

For anyone who thinks this is all theoretical, let me point out a real-world scenario. Recently a Facebook group was started - facebook.com/rape.is.no.joke

It was formed in response to a couple of Facebook groups, such as "You know she's playing hard to get when your [sic] chasing her down an alleyway". Charming. Facebook, in true neanderthal sociopathic Zuckerbergian form, have refused to take down these pages. "Something something just a joke something" they mutter while watching their site bleed sponsors.

The sub-human Troll/C.H.U.Ds who frequent "You know she's playing hard to get..." among others are all up in arms about the attention. Why can't you take a joke? they cry plaintively.

Because it's not a joke, and it's never been intended to be. If you go to the trouble of setting up such a page, and attract thousands of people, all of whom start talking about how rape might be okay, or rape isn't real, or confessing to acts of rape in a cavalier fashion - where's the joke? What part of that is funny? You've formed a collective of pro-rape enthusiasts. People who, in many ways large and small, all think it is at least sometimes okay to sexually violate another human being.

I hope you can see just how f#cked up that is.

Stop masquerading hatred as humour or reasonableness. There's nothing funny or reasonable about perpetrating bigotry, or even outright advocating violence. You're being an asshat of the first order, an apologist for crime, violence and divisiveness. That's not reasonable. That's not funny. That is, in fact, the hallmark of a complete f#cking idiot.

And if you don't like that, well I guess you should stop being so 'thin-skinned' then. Right?