A new contender for Arseholes of Australia

To be honest I don't know if this one should be counted. The only reason anybody knows what this idiot has been saying is the Herald Sun's continuing publicity of her commentary to sell newspapers be a vanguard of journalistic integrity.

Still, one can sit still only so long before springing to one's feet, Golden Sphincter in hand, eager to present that prestigious award. Ladies and gentlemen, the newest nominee - Margaret Court.

I am here to put Margaret Court's nomination to you, the august committee. Is she Australia's newest fundament of renown? Or is she just a silly old fool given far too much column space by everyone's favourite sensation rag, the Herald Sun? I put the case to you.

Name: Margaret Court.

Area of expertise: Used to play tennis quite well, currently reads the Bible, and then stands in front of people and reads bits of the Bible to them.

Moment of Notoriety: Margaret Court came to the attention of the committee, when she said - unsurprisingly for a Christian - that gays are bad and shouldn't get married. While this wouldn't shock anyone who's been alive ever in the last 2000 years, Margie's taken the spotlight the Murdoch press have gleefully given her and done a song and dance about the whole thing.

Some press high lowlights;

It all started when she said she was opposed to same-sex marriage during the ALP Nat Conference, then the avalanche began...

Margie replied to the ensuing furore by saying she was only doing what the Bible told her to, and that she 'cures' gays at her church. She also took a leaf out of the US' book and makes a veiled reference to the American Gaypocalypse, which exists only in the heads of idiot Republicans. Exhibit A from the Murdoch Pravda.

Over the next few days and weeks, Margie shakes her head incredulously. She cannot understand why - when you tell someone that their lifestyle is evil and they do not deserve basic human rights - that they might get angry. Once again, the Murdoch press leapt to give this poor, beleaguered hater space to wring her hands and weep with sorrow that people hated her so much, just because all she did was call some people worthless. Oh the humanity! She implored the nation to return to its moral base (by just not being gay) and defended herself by saying that she works with gay men and women (presumably 'curing' them as mentioned above - a practice that is spectacularly unsuccessful and has led to depression and suicide). Exhibit B from the VolksRag.

Margie eventually returned to the whole thing that kicked it off - her staunch support for a 'no fags' policy on marriage. Once again, the Murdoch press was on hand to give Margie all the space she needed to explain a point. A point so rare, and ill-presented in our society, that it has only been repeated out of the mouths of a scant few millions of bigots for only a piddling few millennia. In Margie's fantasy diatribe, she points to how we are an officially Christian nation, living under a Biblical Constitution, which - if real - would make us largely similar to a Taliban run Afghanistan. She also proceeds to blame everything modern, permissive and evil on that terrible plague - Not Being Christian. Exhibit C from the Melbourne Daily Hatred Apologist.

About now is a good time to start drawing in exhibits from folk other than old Margie. Christos Tsiolkos, author of Head On and The Slap, dropped by the Hun, so they could pretend they give balanced coverage. Mr Tsiolkos' rebuttal was about as simple as it could be, given the paucity of Margaret Court's argument. He basically said she was a silly old bigot. Hewing closely to the national notion of balanced media coverage, the Herald Sun made sure - that after letting Margie have her own uncontested space day after day, week after week, and finally letting someone else have a say - they finish off with a quote from some old jackass Liberal pollie. After all, if there's anything more obvious than a fundie Christian hating gays, it's some old Liberal pollie hating guys. It's almost as unsuprising as the Hun and about 98% of its readers hating anything involving human emotion. Exhibit D from the Melbourne Daily Herald gaaaaGGGHHH!!! FUCK ALL LEFTIES GGGAAARRRGGG!!! HATE HATE!!! ARG, sorry Sun.

At this point, maybe suspecting her semi-regular free column in the Murdoch Hate Press was drying up, Margie starts wheeling out more of her opinions, in the same way a toddler tries doing a cartwheel while screaming 'Look at me mum! Look at MEEEEEEE!' So this is when Margie wheels out the other old misconception about LGBT folk - that because someone beat or buggered 'em at a young age, they got 'turned gay'. By now any normal newspaper might have said 'This old broad is just some crazy crank, can't we just not return her calls?' but no, news for a profit causes creatures like this to be in the headlines day after day, even and especially when they have nothing of any real merit to say.

"The word of God is our TV guide to life. It's not out to get you, it's not the fear book, it's a wonderful love book and it tells us how to live our lives".

Except of course, in the bits where it says unless you do what you're told, evil monsters are going to throw you in lava and shove a pitchfork up your arse FOREVER. Exhibit E in the Melbourne Daily Court Publicist.

Oddly enough, a column on the same Iron Age fundamentalism, originally printed up in quite fundamentalist Queensland, presents a more balanced reportage than that presented by the Hun in urbane and secular Melbourne. Go figure. At least this column says 'Hey, all that hateful shit you're spewing Margie, it could - you know - fucking kill someone'. If at any other time you'd told me I'd have to leave Victoria for Queensland to get balanced reporting on gay issues, I would have probably just stared at you as though your head had just turned into a toaster. Exhibit F.

Maybe finally sensing that a tide is turning, or more likely just having squeezed Margie's head for every drop of madness it contained, the Melbourne Daily One-Minute Hate cast about for someone, anyone to give an alternate viewpoint. Showing that in many ways the story had come full circle and had started eating its tail, Ouroboros like, The Hun settled on Martina Navratilova - out lesbian and one of the earliest outspoken critics of Margie's Iron Age drivel. Martina Navratilova sweeps in like a breath of common sense - compassionate and rational, while still giving Margie her props as a tennis great. Well, you're a better lesbian tennis pro than I am Gunga Din. Still, after all this hate and vitriol, Navratilova's piece is a glass of lemonade on a hot day. Exhibit G.

So, ladies and gentlemen of the committee, what say you? Does Margaret Court deserve nomination for a prestigious Golden Sphincter?